Somethings Brewing...

Yesterday was the second day of our "Two-day" staff meeting. Day two went better than day one for me. Perhaps it was the cushy rocking chair instead of the wooden bench. Or maybe it was the red wine with dinner as our priests told of their vocation stories. It could have been that my prayers were answered when I begged the Holy Spirit to help me with my irritability and passive-behavior behavior. Maybe it was just that I knew our two day excursion was all coming to an end...soon. Never the less, it was better.

Better, but not without my personal struggles. As we discussed purchasing a new angel monument for the babies in the cemetary (stillborn, miscarriage and infants), we discussed the Elizabeth Ministry. The Elizabeth Ministry that should be run by Respect Life. It was in this conversation where one staff member discussed benefiting from it when she had a baby, but feeling abandoned when she miscarried and no one said anything to her about her loss. Someone said, "did anyone know?". She replied, "I work for the church! Everyone knew!". I sat there biting my lip trying not to cry as I remember returning from surgery, having 80% of my ovaries cut out, wondering why my priests haven't visited, called, emailed, or what I wanted most of all: bring me the Eucharist so I can receive. I wanted to add to the conversation - "along with all these other tragedies, we need to add an apostolate for women suffering with infertility"...but those words could not come out of my mouth. I was really struggling, emotionally. I wanted to excuse myself from the conversation completely, but I thought running to the restroom would only allow the waterworks to flow and then I'd have to return with swollen eyes, red from obvious tears. I just didn't want that, so I sat there, rocking in my chair.

A completely ignored group of people, those of us suffering from infertility. It's amazing that this is still a taboo topic! And I can't help but feel even more ignored in the Catholic Church...we all pay attention to the families with lots of kids. We have several families with 5, 6, 12 kids. Oh, those catholic families...looks like NFP doesn't work! Assuming these families were not trying to have a big family, because who wants a big family in the 21st century? Well, they did. And I'll settle for one. But as we discuss how to reach out to young people, mothers, men, old people, grieving people, young adults, women with miscarriages, those suffering from abortion, no one says anything about those TTC - even with me in the middle of the room - the big giant elephant.

When the meeting was over, I actually had the courage to mention it to Father. He said, "I was going to mention it but didn't know how you'd take it". Actually, I'm glad he didn't say anything because I would have cried - no doubt about it. But it lead to an interesting conversation about his stuggle and pain with the same topic. He understood...I felt understood. So glad I said something. Now it's time to follow through.

With that, and the fact that I am CD31 of P+11, I am very emotional. Hormonal. Anxious. Whatever you want to call it, I am it. Look out!