Our Little Saint, Catherine Grace, Ora Pro Nobis!

I have to admit, I was excited to attend the Vigil Mass tonight. Why? Because this time, we have our own little Saint in Heaven, and it just made All Saints Day (vigil) and praying the Litany of the Saints that much more special.

Miscarriage is horrible. Losing our first child, ridiculously horrible. Knowing she is in heaven in the presence of Our Lord forever, super comforting. Actually, it is ridiculously comforting, now. Today, I thought about what it will be like teaching our son about his older sister, the saint. How we will pray for her intercession all the time. How the pain of losing her has turned into something else. It is still pain, just transformed. Something else...transformed.

With little Catherine Grace in my heart and on my mind, everyday, and especially All Saints Day, I thank God for the peace that I feel today. The peace that can only come from the heavens above. The peace I have praying for - for a long time. I pray that I can continue to feel this way for the next days to come.

All You Holy Men and Women, Angels and Saints, Pray For Us!
Our Little Saint, Catherine Grace, Pray For Us!

The Good, The Wierd, The Bad News, And The Best News!

Tomorrow I will be 30 weeks pregnant. Wow!

News That Made Me Acutely Aware: On Wednesday, I went in for my routine ultrasound. While in the waiting room, three other gals came in and took a seat. Clearly I was the "old" one, with what seemed to be at least 8 years on them (at least). Good grief! I sure don't feel old, but sitting with a bunch of twenty-somethings made this pregnant woman very age conscience!

Good News: That same day, while listening to the heart rate, my precious bundle of joy kicked. His heart rate went up, of which the midwife said is great. I go back in two weeks for the 4D ultrasound and then after that I will go in twice a week for the non-stress test. She said they look for fetal movement, and when the baby moves, they want to see an increase of his heart rate (by 15bpm). Little Johnny was already doing this, which shows good neurological development. Yea!

Bad News: My only bra that still fit me is now strangling me so I went to T.arget to buy some new bras, nursing bras. I had no idea what size to get (my friend said she went from a 36B to 40!) so I tried them on. HOLY BELLY! There was something about being in the dressing room with three mirrors, bright lights, maternity pants and a bra and seeing this HUGE belly. I didn't realize I was that big! I guess my husband was right, and I should have not have yelled at him for being so insensitive to me when he said how BIG I am. Ha!

Best News: PPVI just called me and told me that my progesterone levels are at 136, which is ZONE 3, and means that I don't have to take PIO shots (at least for now). PTL! I am soo excited! We will have to celebrate tonight! Let us just pray that my levels don't drop and I have to go back on the PIO shots in two weeks! I doubt it though...at that point I'll be almost 32 weeks. The placenta has to be pulling its own weight by then, I hope! Thank You, Jesus!

Emotionally Drained From Remembering

Ok, I am blaming my hormones here. I hate to do that, but in this situation, I think they played a part. Hormones, and the fact that the battle scars of IF have not healed quite yet, apparently.

So, our Associate Pastor just celebrated his 15th year as a Priest. Today, we had a nice celebration for him at the Parish Center. As I was leaving, a lovely parishioner came up to me pushing her double stroller with beautiful children in it. She said that she didn't realize I was pregnant, of which I understood given a) I haven't seen her in a little while and b) I was a somewhat late belly bloomer. She gave me a huge hug and told me how happy she was for me and how her family has been praying for us. Well, that is all it took for the memories to flood back. In particular the memory of her final days of being pregnant with her youngest child just nine months ago.

I remember it like it was yesterday. They were new to our parish and I noticed them at Children and Family Adoration on Sunday nights because they were new, a large well-behaved and beautiful family of 8, and she was very pregnant. As in, "Today is my due-date and this baby isn't going anywhere" pregnant. I, on the other hand, was infertile. I remember hearing that little voice in my head saying, "Ask her to offer up her suffering in labor for you." What a ridiculous thought! I don't even know these people! What do you say? Hi, my name is. I am infertile, and since you are not, I was hoping you would think of me as you give birth? Like I said, what a ridiculous thought, and so I never said anything to her.

The next week, the family was at Adoration again, and there she was, still pregnant.

"Ask Her!"

I did not. I almost did, but I didn't.

So today, when she mentions that her family has been praying for us, the above story comes out of my mouth. "I remember when..." Cue waterworks.

Why did I feel the need to tell her this crazy story of wanting to ask her to offer her pain for us? Come On! It wasn't necessary. I am sure I looked insane to her, crying like I was. She was very kind and compassionate, and I don't regret it...telling the story...I mean, it is what it is, right? It just surprises me that those feelings resurfaced the way they did. The desperation. The embarrassment. Feeling crazy. Feeling afraid. Feeling sad, again.

When I finally got home, I was drained. Emotionally drained. And so I napped...for three hours.

I'm still exhausted. I guess five years of infertility will do that a person. Even after they've conquered it. Even as the baby moves right now. The feelings never really go away, or do they? Regardless, the memories remain...  

A Post For MJ: A Painted Room, A Woksa, A Naughty Dog and a Bath

Dear MJ,

Lexi (the dog) owes you an apology. Here it is:

I am sorry.

I was a naughty dog.

After you spent all that time painting the baby's room, of which mommy LOVES, something terrible happened. Remember when you left the house? Mommy let me out and I saw my favorite neighbor, Mr. Woksa, in his yard. He was picking tomatoes. Can you believe that? He was still getting little cherry tomatoes in his garden. Mommy says he has an amazing green thumb, and he is probably embarrassed that he lives next door to us since we really stink at yard work, but that is not the point. After mommy gave you a hug good-bye, and you drove away, mommy went to talk to Mr. Woksa. He gave her the tomatoes, which was nice because she LOVES tomatoes too, but not as much as the room you painted. I digress. Please excuse me.

Mr. Woksa gave mommy the tomatoes and they were talking about his garden. I walked around his amazing yard because it was like a new place to me. Mommy doesn't let me go into his yard because it is too nice. But after you left, I got to go into his yard and I found the best thing ever. Unbeknownst to mommy or Mr. Woksa, I found a big chunk of wet, stinky, mud/poop. Oh, it was the best thing I could find in the whole world! I was SO excited, and so I did what comes natural to me...I rolled around in it.

I thought it was okay because Mommy and Mr. Woksa saw me and were laughing at me. "You silly dog! What are you doing?" Ha, ha, ha....they were laughing so I thought it was okay. But then they came closer and realized that I was rolling around in this awesome ball of poop, but they weren't as excited as me. Mommy was upset and told me to get into the house, and the next thing I knew, I was being punished with a bath. I don't like baths. And mommy's belly is getting too big to give me a bath but she said I smelled like poop so she gave me one anyway. I had to listen to her lecture me the whole time, "We don't roll around in poop!" she said. "That is disgusting." "Why do dogs do that?" "I bet that was your own poop! This is your daddy's fault."

Yes, it is true. It is daddy's fault. You see, when mommy and daddy first got me 4 years ago, they made a deal. Daddy takes care of my doggy poop in the yard, and mommy will take care of baby poop. We didn't realize it would take another four years to finally get another baby (I'm the first baby, the furry one), but now the baby is on the way and we are all excited! I digress again. Sorry.

Well, daddy never followed through with the yard. He said something about fertilizer for the grass. Mommy never liked that, but that is the deal. I go potty, daddy doesn't pick it up, and Mr. Woksa mows the yard (to mommy's dismay, he agrees with daddy about the fertilizer. She says, "men stick together."). As you know, Mr. Woksa mowed our yard today when you were painting the room, which mommy LOVES, and apparently this very cool chunk of mud/poop fell into Mr. Woksa's yard. I was lucky to have found it, rolled around in it and then I was punished with a bath.

So why is mommy forcing me to apologize to you? Because after the bath, I have this strange dog ritual that I do. In my attempt to dry off, I run around the house, rubbing my wet fur onto the walls. Usually this occurs in the hallway until I get tired, then I lay down. Mommy then wipes up the bathroom and goes to wipe down the hallway walls, but this time, I didn't rub my wet fur on the hallway walls. I found my way into the baby's room, and when mommy realized that I wasn't doing my weird ritual in the hallway, she called for me and I guess a light bulb went off because she said, "YOU BETTER NOT BE IN THE BABY'S ROOM!" Well, I already told you I was in there, but I snuck out, thinking she might not know I was in there. I already had one punishing bath, I didn't want another! But she went into the baby's room, with the green walls that she LOVES, and saw my black hair all over the freshly painted walls. I will end the story here.

So, MJ, I am sorry. I am a dog, and I do weird things, and I don't know why. I hope I didn't ruin the walls that mommy LOVES in the baby's room. The fact that mommy is calm and not screaming at me, or threatening to have doggy chop suey for dinner, makes me think the walls are okay. I saw her wiping the hair off the walls and she was not yelling so unless she calls you and tells you her side of the story, assume everything is okay. That is what I am going to do. I am going to assume that everything is okay and that mommy still loves me and she is going to keep me, forever. Because although I was a stinky dog, she has said that I am the cutest dog in the world, and mommy never lies to me. I have such a great mommy.

Ok, Lexi. That is enough. I think MJ got the picture, you don't have to pacify me. And MJ, she is right. The walls are not ruined, and yes, I do LOVE them. You did a great job! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. {{{Hugs}}}

Lexi, on the other hand, is permanently banned from Mr. Woksa's yard, and yes, daddy will get a lecture of his own once he gets home, because after all, this really was all his fault!

Abortion Clinic Shut Down Indefinitely

Rejoice and Praise the Lord!

I posted about my experience praying at the abortion clinic during Lent, remember?

Prayer does work. This place is closed, indefinitely.

News report with video

http://www.prolifecorner.com/node/921

And just in time; We have our Diocesian Mass for Pro-Life on Tuesday night at our parish. :)

Think of all the babies that will be saved now that that horrible place has its doors locked. Let us pray that it stays that way!

Our Father...
Hail Mary...
Glory Be...