A Different Kind Of Advent

I went to the grocery store today and the strangest thought entered my head: We buried Catherine Grace on January 1st, and John Benjamin is due December 31st of the same year. The beginning and the end of 2011. "Behold, I am coming soon. I bring with me the recompense I will give to each according to his deeds. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end." Revelations 21:12-13. 

Totally random, right? Or maybe not. Later, as I was attempting to make my MIL a rum cake for her birthday tomorrow and while doing that, I was thinking of all the anxiety I am having about giving birth any day now, another thought entered my head: Mary probably had some of the same thoughts. The anxiety over what to expect during childbirth. Am I ready for this (not motherhood, rather labor and delivery)? When will I know it is time (Braxton Hicks contractions can keep you on your toes)? Is everything going to be okay? For sure, Mary had more faith than I..I mean, she had confirmation from an angel. But she still must have been anxious about giving birth. This type of anxiety is normal, I assume, and although she was holy and full of grace, she was...normal. Normal in a holy and full of grace kind of way!

And then I decided to read the beginning pages of the Magnificat, of which I skipped earlier this month and found this:  

The Pain of Waiting or The Joy of Expecting:

The Graces of Advent This Year

...When we wait we simply look at the present and what is happening. When we expect we look to the future for some promised fulfillment that is beyond our ability. Waiting looks at what is not happening, expecting looks to what is about to happen. This is why we do not simply wait for Christ to return; we expect him to return, and we expect him to fulfill all of his promises... (Magnificat, December 2011).

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This has been a different kind of Advent for me. One of expecting. I have been focusing on the coming of our little miracle, of which DH is convinced is going to come on Christmas Day. I have been focusing on transitioning into motherhood. I have been focusing on the future and how different and exciting and DIFFERENT it is going to be (I meant to say that twice). This is what Advent might have felt for Mary...maybe. Now, I'm not carrying the Christ Child, the Messiah, the Savior of the World, but I am carrying a miracle, made with the power of the Holy Spirit through the love of his mother and father. It took a long time, a lot of faith, a lot of tears, a lot of everything! And now I anticipate the coming of our son at the same time that we all expect the coming of the Lord. I pray, that as we get closer to Christmas, that I can focus more on the great gift of the Word made Flesh, and less on myself. I hope to focus more on Mary and connect with her as a mother about to give birth to her first born son. I hope to focus on the anticipation and expectation of these, the greatest gifts, so different, but so similar. I hope to focus on the Joy, and not my anxiety. And I hope that all that desire a similar experience are graced with an answer to their prayers soon, and that they too can focus on the expecting rather than the waiting. And I Thank God for allowing me to experience Advent in such a different way. A way that once again brings me closer to Him, and in a way that helps me tie the two imporant ends of 2011 together...perfectly, for God was in it. All of it.