Page 45 Of My First Book

In response to my feelings of abandonment and lonliness which were blogged here, I received several book recommendations. I received those book yesterday. My first book to read: "The Ordinary Path To Holiness" by R. Thomas Richard, PhD. (Thanks Leila!)

The Catholic Church teaches that there are three stages to prayer: Purgative, Illuminative and Unitive. Early on in this book, they discuss the "Dark Night." The book gives the example of the apostles going through the stages of prayer (their life with Jesus Christ as a prayer). The dark nights for them were when Jesus "left" them. When Jesus "left" (as in when he died at the crucifixion and again when he ascended into heaven), they transitioned into another stage. Check out this subchapter on Dark Nights:

"The transitional boundary that separates the beginning stage from the second, or illuminative stage, is crucial in the life of the soul. In the normative example of Scripture, in the formation by Christ of the apostles, this boundary was the passion and the cross of Christ. The personal experience in the soul of this transition to a profoundly deeper relationship with the Lord is called the "second conversion." It is a particularly important event for several reasons. First, it is a confusing, even bewildering experience to the soul, over which the person has no control. A crisis of some sort has crept in or crashed upon the person, leaving his whole perspective shaken or lost. Former ways of dealing with life are no longer apporpriate; former methods of prayer no longer give consolation; one's former relationship with God Himself is no longer the same. It is not possible here to give complete discussion of this event, but suffice it to say that the soul is tempted to draw back from further progress. For those who continue, the way of illumination has begun, and experiences of infused contemplation bring a totally new relationship with God, and totally new demands upon his Christian response." 

It goes on to say; "Fr. Benedict Groeschel (in his book, "Spiritual Passages") analyzes this phenomenon of shrinking back from spiritual growth through the dark night from a psychological as well as a spiritual perspective. He writes that the possibilities facing the soul toward the end of the dark night of trial are too bright, too exalted: the person actually fears the possibility of real happiness and fulfillment. Other persons perhaps begin to go on, advancing in spirituality, but wrongly believing that the trials are now over for good. When trials reappear in new and different ways, the soul is confused and retreats."

"Another fear Groeschel suggests is instructive: the fear of a life without self-seeking. The dark night of trial brings the new perspective that I am not the center of the universe! Deeper insights which follow illumine more and more clearly [highlight] the imperfections and flaws of the soul. Groeschel notes, "Spiritual writers have pointed out that the relative freedom of the illuminative way is often more frightening because one may become aware of more deply rooted conflicts." The illuminative way demands even more of the Christian, not less, as perhaps many souls mistakenly wish."

St. Teresa writes of her mansions (which are paralelled with these stages) and says, ""As the natural is united with the supernatural in it (her 4th mansion or the Illuminative Stage and the dark night that preceeds it), it is here that the Devil can do most harm." She explains that in higher mansions (or levels), the Lord gives him (the devil) fewer opportunities (to attack us). In this stage, the possibilities are crucial - to persevere and advance, or to fall back."

Wow! The dark night: feeling abandoned / alone / why isn't He answering me / wondering if God even loves me... I'm lost, I'm scared, I'm screaming and no one hears me. I turn away and crawl into myself - and there I come face to face with God. And expand.

We are soo close.