Our spiritual journey through five years of infertility, one miscarriage and an answer to our prayers...
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Monday, October 25, 2010

My First Tears Watching A Video

I've heard of it. I've read about it. I just haven't felt it to this extent until a couple of days ago.

It started with the cutest video of DH's college buddy and his wife in the hospital with their first child kissing the newborn baby girl. All the "oooohhh's and aaahhhh's" made me cry. I can't give that to my husband. We won't have any cute videos of us in the hospital after we gave birth. I can't conceive anything but these warm tears rolling down my cheeks.

Then the overwhelming reality that I have been avoiding settled in my brain. The reality that I will be 36 in exactly 2 months. I have crossed over into a new age demographic which brings no good news to someone TTC. PCOD has stolen my fertility. But here is the thing - since the OWR, I just started having "regular" cycles. So what does this mean? Are my chances to have a baby now better, or worse? Better because I'm cycling? Or worse because I'm turning 36? What a IF oxymoron!

So in my state of "sadness," I decide to do what I do best - go shopping. Hat shopping. Today must have been "If you are pregnant, go to the mall day." Only I didn't get that memo. I was on high alert for pregnant moms at the mall, cute little girl clothes at Gymboree, and ugly maternity clothes at the pregnancy store. There is one good thing about not being pregnant: I don't have to wear those ugly fashions! Alright, I'll be honest...I can't wait to shop there. And I want a baby bump just like that manikin.  I can't get away with anything on this blog. But my new hats have made me happier! Mission Accomplished...for now.

6 comments:

  1. Well then, where are the pictures? I want to see the hats! :)

    Here's to being in the trenches with you. I don't know anything about OWRs, but you are in my prayers and I hope that good cycling overcomes the age barrier. I don't know if it helps you, but I look to some of the saints that got pregnant later in life - Bl. Louis & Zelie Martin (St. Therese's parents), St. Gianna Molla and ask them for assistance. (They didn't struggle with IF per se, I know, but they still conceived later in life and I think they can be of some help.) ((Hug))

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  2. Hats!!! Yeah I love hats!!! You will look adorable in them for sure!

    You have been so heavily on my heart ALL NIGHT LONG, my dear friend. I have something for you, something I felt urged by my mother and Our Blessed Mother to bring to you. See you soon...

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  3. I'm going with the fact that your OWR makes your chances much better!! I know this sounds trite, but you have years ahead of you! I will be praying for you, my sister!!

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  4. I agree with Leila...definitely better odds after having the OWR. You'll get into those ugly pg clothes someday! And most of them are truly ugly!

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  5. Last year I posted about an article that said the ovaries of women with PCOS actually settle down as they get older and their chances of conceiving increase:
    http://allyouwhohope.blogspot.com/2009/03/finally-some-good-news-about-fertility.html

    That could definitely be true for you. Not to mention you also had a great surgery from an amazing doctor :)

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