A Healing Pilgrimage

The priest said that our pilgrimage will be a healing pilgrimage for many of us. At first, I didn't think that I needed healing...healing from what? I am not angry with God, I am not angry with anyone. I have several physical ailments but that is not what he was talking about...he meant spiritual or emotional healing. Well, that's not me! I'm good, I'm fine...yeah, right.

Our trip was not in chronological order with the life of Christ. We started off in Joppa in the chuch of St. Peter where he saw the vision of the sheet with all different animals (meaning God created all things and they are all good: food and gentiles). Then we went to Mt. Carmel where Elijah challenged the false prophets of Baal. Things were a little jumbled up, and I began crying early on. I thought I would cry the entire trip so that was not too surprising. Mainly my tears were during Mass, during the homily or prayers of the faithful. The hardest places for me were at the Church of the Annunciation (which was like day 2) then much later at Gethsemane (day 7) and strangely enough in Bethany at the Church of Lazarus where above the Altar is written "I AM THE RESURRECTION AND THE LIFE" (day 10). I did not cry at the site of the crucifixion - and I thought I would for sure! I was emotional, and maybe teary-eyed, but no full-fledged waterworks. So, naturally I had to over-analyze the question: why?

"Let it be done unto me according to your word" and "Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done". Yes, like all Catholics TTC, we all pray the same prayer, I can relate to Mary and Christ in these moments. And in seeing "I am the resurrection and the life", I begged to be resurrected too, for sometimes I guess I feel "dead", and ultimately want "life" within me. I never really thought of that, but I definately felt that at that moment!

But at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre...I had a much different reaction. We were there a couple of times. The first time is when we visited the 12th station where we could climb under the Altar and reach into a hole in the floor to touch the rock of Calvary. I went in, but had my petitions in my left hand! I reached in with my right, didn't feel the rock, then was rushed out so someone else can get a chance. What just happened!?! I wanted to leave my, and others, prayers at the foot of the cross and I missed my chance! But alas, minutes later the room was empty...yes empty...and I was able to go again! Thanks be to God! So better prepared this time, and with my list in my right hand, I went in alone, reached in and felt the rock (it was like it reached up to touch me) and released my deepest wishes and prayers. Released.

As I fell down to my knees off to the side of the Altar, I realize that the Cross was necessary for salvation. I already knew that, but now I KNOW that. It is by His Cross and Resurrection, He has set us free. I felt it: free. No tears. "My grace is suffecient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness". On the cross, at His weakest, He was His strongest. He had to die to be resurrected. Things had to get soo bad so He can show His real glory! Here's the truth: my faith has grown stronger with my infertility. There are these obsticles, but maybe I need that. I know He hears my prayer. I know he IS answering me. I know He will resurrect me and I will be a witness to His power. I do not need to fear or worry for I am being healed!

Someone asked me yesterday if I am glad to be home. I am excited to be home, for I look forward to my future in a very different way than 2 weeks ago. God has a plan for me and the Holy Spirit is guiding me towards that plan. I pray that my ears are open to hear His voice and that I can clearly see and rightfully do what He wants of me. A healing pilgrimage...I haven't been this relaxed in years! How great Thou art!