A Post For MJ: A Painted Room, A Woksa, A Naughty Dog and a Bath

Dear MJ,

Lexi (the dog) owes you an apology. Here it is:

I am sorry.

I was a naughty dog.

After you spent all that time painting the baby's room, of which mommy LOVES, something terrible happened. Remember when you left the house? Mommy let me out and I saw my favorite neighbor, Mr. Woksa, in his yard. He was picking tomatoes. Can you believe that? He was still getting little cherry tomatoes in his garden. Mommy says he has an amazing green thumb, and he is probably embarrassed that he lives next door to us since we really stink at yard work, but that is not the point. After mommy gave you a hug good-bye, and you drove away, mommy went to talk to Mr. Woksa. He gave her the tomatoes, which was nice because she LOVES tomatoes too, but not as much as the room you painted. I digress. Please excuse me.

Mr. Woksa gave mommy the tomatoes and they were talking about his garden. I walked around his amazing yard because it was like a new place to me. Mommy doesn't let me go into his yard because it is too nice. But after you left, I got to go into his yard and I found the best thing ever. Unbeknownst to mommy or Mr. Woksa, I found a big chunk of wet, stinky, mud/poop. Oh, it was the best thing I could find in the whole world! I was SO excited, and so I did what comes natural to me...I rolled around in it.

I thought it was okay because Mommy and Mr. Woksa saw me and were laughing at me. "You silly dog! What are you doing?" Ha, ha, ha....they were laughing so I thought it was okay. But then they came closer and realized that I was rolling around in this awesome ball of poop, but they weren't as excited as me. Mommy was upset and told me to get into the house, and the next thing I knew, I was being punished with a bath. I don't like baths. And mommy's belly is getting too big to give me a bath but she said I smelled like poop so she gave me one anyway. I had to listen to her lecture me the whole time, "We don't roll around in poop!" she said. "That is disgusting." "Why do dogs do that?" "I bet that was your own poop! This is your daddy's fault."

Yes, it is true. It is daddy's fault. You see, when mommy and daddy first got me 4 years ago, they made a deal. Daddy takes care of my doggy poop in the yard, and mommy will take care of baby poop. We didn't realize it would take another four years to finally get another baby (I'm the first baby, the furry one), but now the baby is on the way and we are all excited! I digress again. Sorry.

Well, daddy never followed through with the yard. He said something about fertilizer for the grass. Mommy never liked that, but that is the deal. I go potty, daddy doesn't pick it up, and Mr. Woksa mows the yard (to mommy's dismay, he agrees with daddy about the fertilizer. She says, "men stick together."). As you know, Mr. Woksa mowed our yard today when you were painting the room, which mommy LOVES, and apparently this very cool chunk of mud/poop fell into Mr. Woksa's yard. I was lucky to have found it, rolled around in it and then I was punished with a bath.

So why is mommy forcing me to apologize to you? Because after the bath, I have this strange dog ritual that I do. In my attempt to dry off, I run around the house, rubbing my wet fur onto the walls. Usually this occurs in the hallway until I get tired, then I lay down. Mommy then wipes up the bathroom and goes to wipe down the hallway walls, but this time, I didn't rub my wet fur on the hallway walls. I found my way into the baby's room, and when mommy realized that I wasn't doing my weird ritual in the hallway, she called for me and I guess a light bulb went off because she said, "YOU BETTER NOT BE IN THE BABY'S ROOM!" Well, I already told you I was in there, but I snuck out, thinking she might not know I was in there. I already had one punishing bath, I didn't want another! But she went into the baby's room, with the green walls that she LOVES, and saw my black hair all over the freshly painted walls. I will end the story here.

So, MJ, I am sorry. I am a dog, and I do weird things, and I don't know why. I hope I didn't ruin the walls that mommy LOVES in the baby's room. The fact that mommy is calm and not screaming at me, or threatening to have doggy chop suey for dinner, makes me think the walls are okay. I saw her wiping the hair off the walls and she was not yelling so unless she calls you and tells you her side of the story, assume everything is okay. That is what I am going to do. I am going to assume that everything is okay and that mommy still loves me and she is going to keep me, forever. Because although I was a stinky dog, she has said that I am the cutest dog in the world, and mommy never lies to me. I have such a great mommy.

Ok, Lexi. That is enough. I think MJ got the picture, you don't have to pacify me. And MJ, she is right. The walls are not ruined, and yes, I do LOVE them. You did a great job! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. {{{Hugs}}}

Lexi, on the other hand, is permanently banned from Mr. Woksa's yard, and yes, daddy will get a lecture of his own once he gets home, because after all, this really was all his fault!