Hail, Our Only Hope

There is a special place in my heart for today's Gospel. While in Jerusalem, there were a few places that touched me in a very unexpected way...Bethany was one of them (you can read more about it at this post). Going there, to Bethany, I NEVER thought that this place would effect me the way it did, especially since it was at the end of the trip and I had seen soo many incredible places already! But there was something about it. Let me start with few pictures I took of the church built above where Lazarus was raised from the dead:

 I think that what struck me as I entered into the church were the words, "I AM THE RESURRECTION AND LIFE" (in Latin). Duh, what did I expect to be written above the Altar? But I remember crying and praying (maybe a little begging) to be resurrected too, and for my dead womb to bring forth life. Because I had such a strong reaction, I knew that there was a decent chance of me being emotional at Mass today. I also knew that most people would not understand why one might/would cry because of a scripture reading about a man raised from the dead, one that we heard a million times. I tried my best to "act normal". It didn't work. I'm blaming it on the priest. Here is his full homily. Below is the shorter version (in blue) that touched me.

For me, I kept it together until he said, "In these final weeks of Lent, we may be discouraged in our efforts to become holier. We may even feel “dead” on the inside. We may have prayed for Jesus to come and help us, as did Martha and Mary-“Lord, you know I love you, come and answer my prayers!” And yet, it may seem that we didn’t get an answer, that Jesus is “delayed.” Maybe we even thinking that perhaps I am not so loved as I think I am.”" This is when my husband shifted in the pew and touched my hand. Bad move.

Then, our priest said, "Yet faith tells us that in this most common of our paradoxes in life, no matter what darkness we are in, no matter how much it seems that God has abandoned us—He has not; no, Jesus is present to us with all of His divine power and love ready to manifest, through our suffering and through us, the goodness and the Divine Mercy of God."

Faith tells us that through the Cross of Christ, if we share in His suffering and death, then in our weakness we are made strong. Belief in Jesus will not necessarily take our problems and sufferings away, and it will surely not save us from physical death; but faith in Him will, if we place our trust in His Divine Mercy, and love Him above else by faithfully following Him, it will save us from eternal death and give us a share in Christ’s own victory, bringing us eternal peace and joy.

But it doesn’t stop there; if we unite our struggles and our suffering and death to the power of Jesus’ cross, then through the power of His Resurrection, our lives and even our death will be used to bring souls who are dead to sin back to life in Christ. Then in the paradox of the cross we like Christ and in union with Him will manifest to the world the goodness and Divine Mercy of the God who is Love; God will be glorified through our lives and we ourselves will share in the glory that the Father has bestowed on the Son.

We celebrate liturgically the passion and death of our Lord during Holy Week; but we must never forget and always believe that it is re-presented, that is made truly present to us at each and every Holy Mass. And so the resurrection and its power to save us is made truly present as well, but we can only access this Divine power and love through faith. Let us then open our hearts in faith to Jesus’ power to save us and through us to bring souls who are dead back to life.

Our Lord is not silent, but comes here and now at this Mass, in this sacred place, in order to tell us that He alone is our hope; He does so through the Holy Eucharist, which is really Him! So as we come to the end of this Lenten season, may we trust that the paradoxes in our lives would be united to Jesus crucified in order that through the power of His death and Resurrection, available to us at Every Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, our greatest paradoxes, our greatest crosses and defeats, would be turned into our greatest victories, leading to the Glory of God and the Sanctification and salvation of souls, both our own and others as well.

 At the cross stood the mournful mother weeping…It is by sharing in the sorrow of the Mother, that we can enter into the sufferings of the Son, in order to experience the Joy of the Resurrection.
 
He ended by reading a song or poem of which I don't know the title. It was beautiful though!
 
So why did that make me cry? I think for several reasons:
 
1) My association of the resurrection of Lazarus with my infertility and (hopeful) resurrection of my barrenness.
 
2) The mention of redemptive suffering by "sharing in His sufferings and death" and bring our soul and others souls that are dead back to Christ. I pray that as I offer and unite my sufferings that they are acceptable for the sanctification of someones soul!
 
3) The cross that has been given to me has been a hard cross to carry and I have not accepted it well. I obsess over my fertility or lack thereof. I realized this more than ever this past cycle. (Warning: TMI) Our recent trip to Nevada was during our "fertile" time and we took full advantage of it. We were on a mission! But I come to believe that I probably "double-peaked," which is fine, we had it covered - ha!, but it leaves me wondering two things: if we don't conceive this cycle, is it because something else is wrong and/or if we don't conceive this cycle is that because I am over-obsessed and analyzing things wrong because I am overly excited and not really relaxing? I just may be my own worst enemy.
 
4)My awareness of my obsession with this cycle has shined the light on my lack of trust in God's plan for me/us in addition to my non-acceptance of His will. He has handed me my cross and sadly, I believe I have rejected it. It has been five years that we have been trying, actively trying. That is a L-O-N-G time. Perhaps God has revealed His plan for us and it is to remain infertile. When am I going to accept that? I am 36 years old with one miscarriage. I keep trying and am doing my best to do everything I can do and I am standing in the same place as FIVE YEARS ago, I just have more periods now. Thanks a lot! But I should be happy that our plan has been revealed! Isn't this what I've been praying for? Thy will be done? I should rejoice, yet that is not the emotion I am feeling. I feel that our greatest paradoxes, our greatest crosses and defeats leave me empty. At the cross stood the mournful mother weeping… (As I sit crying in our pew, I find this ironically eerie) ...It is by sharing in the sorrow of the Mother, that we can enter into the sufferings of the Son, in order to experience the Joy of the Resurrection. Yet I realize that I am standing at the foot of my cross and I am feeling defeat. And for this, I cry. Hail, Our Only Hope! May I feel the Joy of the Resurrection soon!