Why I Hate Vegas

We've been in Las Vegas for six days now. We leave tomorrow and I can't wait! I do not like Vegas anymore. This is my sixth time here, each time was different from last, but could never match the fun of the prior trip. My first time here I came with a group of girl friends. Whoo hoo! Up all night, big winner at Hard Rock (I won my entire trip back), hung out at the pool until we sobered up. It was a blast. My second time was with my mom. We bonded over shows, walking around, but she was no party animal...she was in bed by 8pm every night. That left me to walk around by myself, but was able to watch Dennis Rodman play craps and see Billy Corrigan hangin out at the Mirage! My third trip is when I married my honey. Need-less-to-say, that trip was memorable. We stayed at the Venetian, ate great food, and hardly had to leave the casino - it was all right there. Minus the weirdo virus I caught which took me out for a day, and the fact that it was 110 degrees here, that trip was amazing. My fourth trip was with my husband during March Madness. Bellagio was not as great at Venetian, food was bad, hubbie was at the sports book ALL DAY, leaving me to entertain myself the entire time. Not to mention it was Holy Week. Do you know how hard it is to not eat meat in Vegas? My Easter dinner was disappointing, but I did get two massages, saw Elton John, and the Beatles' Love by Circque du Soleil - fantastic, but lonely. I did convince my husband to see Ray Romano - we laughed 20% of the time. My fifth trip was work related at the Rio. I was with coworkers that love the night life. I just can't hang like that anymore. Enough said. And now my sixth trip is now, at Planet Hollywood. So why do I hate Vegas? Let me count the ways:

THE TOP TEN REASONS WHY I HATE VEGAS

1. It becomes incredibly obvious that I am getting older, and fatter. The beautiful people are around, young and gorgeous (like I was the first time here). It makes me think: I should have worn shorter and tighter skirts when I could, because there is no chance of these thighs seeing the sun anytime soon!
2. Speaking of sun, the pool is a place I loved in the past, and now I dread. You can't find a seat anywhere, there are drunk "kids" everywhere, I always forget my sunscreen (which yes, I now need), and I hate having to pay $10 for a drink and then am expected to tip the 20-something blond in her skimpy two piece on top of it! Hey husband, what are you looking at?
3. Shopping. Everyone knows that there are shops in Vegas that you can only find in some of the most fabulous places in the world: New York, Paris, Milan. I should want to go shopping in them, but I am soo intimidated, and I couldn't afford anything anyway. What am I going to do? Walk in and ask where the Prada sales rack is? Uggh. Why bother. Where is the Walmart?
4. The shows. They are fabulous. What do you want to see? I'm sure you can find it here, but it will cost you. Now I don't mind so much. I mean, I love the theater and living in Rochelle, I don't get out much. But my main squeeze does not appreciate the theater as much as I do. In Vegas, he would rather be in the dark, smokey Sports Book all day. So when I say lets to see a show, it is going to cost us only $200, he begins to kick and scream, "I don't wanna". Oh, I can drag him to one show, but then I don't even enjoy it because I can tell that he is not enjoying it. Hence the reason I went solo to see Elton John and Love. Going by myself leaves me feeling very alone, pathetic really, so either I bite the bullet and go myself or I don't go at all. Boo.
5. Betting. I don't have money, more or less know how to win with the little I have. In addition, my dear husband doesn't like to gamble unless he is at the sports book. I can bet the horses, but come on, I don't like being there or doing that!
6. Sin City is full of just that - SIN! Girls in very skimpy clothing, boobies everywhere, sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. The "Flippers", or the men and sometimes women snapping the little business cards with pictures of young women that can be "for hire", the flippers are on every corner...doing the devils work no doubt. And here at the casino there is sex everywhere. Barely there uniforms, inappropriate names of games and restaurants. Gross.
7. Drinking. Alcohol comes with everything here. And I end up drinking just to cope. The other day I drank all day and I swear I didn't catch a buzz. That was the entire reason why I was doing it - to cope with the smoke and gambling in the sports book! Brutal. But then I went to Toby Keiths bar and once an hour they play, "I love this bar" and people line up for free shots that get poured into their mouths. I swear, there was more reverence for these shots than when people receive the Eucharist. One guy made the sign of the cross before receiving his shot! Ugggg!
8. Everything looks real close, but everything is far away. One mile plus in most cases. So again, unless you stay at the Venetian where you never have to leave, walking is mandatory. And remember you are in a desert - it gets hot! Oh, and bring good shoes because your cute ones won't work.
9. Expensive restaurants. I hate being reminded that I am not rich. It's more like: I hate feeling like I am poor. I was poor. I grew up poor. I don't like feeling like I can't have something, especially if it is an overpriced piece of cheesecake. If I go to a nice, fancy restaurant, I should be able to get desert too. I mean, let's face it, the serving sizes are small so one needs dessert to feel full. But since the wine was $14, the steak was $52 (and that was the cheap one), I split my salad and vegetable, and now I can't have dessert because the bill is already over $200. I don't like feeling poor in a fancy restaurant. It makes me want to get the goverment cheese out, cut out the molded part, and nibble on that. Aggg! Why go to a fancy restaurant if you can't affort the cheesecake!
10. Impersonators. I was the first to say your experience is not complete unless you see Elvis on the street. But when I saw Michael Jackson the other day - I was a little creeped out. The guy just died and yet some weirdo is trying to look like him and financially gain from it. Just weird. I bet this is how the older generation felt about Elvis, only I couldn't relate. Now I can and I think I could do without. This also goes for the Star Wars people and the random fat man dressed in skimpy skirts acting like women. You can put lipstick on a pig but it is still a pig!

And I didn't mention the smoke, taxi drivers, the slow walkers, little kids up late, and the smell of urine on the monorail. Oh yeah, the north end of the strip (not safe)!

I have felt disconnected while here, and find my refuge in the church. Yes, I walked to the church almost every day. Prayed the rosary, prayed the divine mercy chaplet, just sat in front of the Tabernacle. There I feel safe, happy, connected, and ready to face the rest of the day. In the middle of the Vegas Craziness, I can go to church. It should be more crowded, but I'm secretly glad that in a city of hundreds of thousands, I can sit alone in a church...with God. The only real place to be.