My Son (at 18 months)

Dear John Benjamin,

 

You are 18 months old. That is one year, six months, one week and five days to be exact. Every single one of those days has been a bigger blessing than the day before. I am the luckiest mom in the world because I have you, and you call me mom. Actually, you don't call me anything yet, but you know I am your mommy (haha). You have brought me such incredible joy, love, and healing. Before you, I was suffering from a broken heart, but then you came into the world and I watched my heart grow into the handsome, funny, and loving little boy that you are today. 

 

As of today, you are growing at an incredible rate. One month ago you had 8 teeth. Eight. Four on top and four on the bottom. Right now, you have all but four. They all decided to come in at the same time, which you would think would be painful, but not for you. You have been a champ! And you have not really been biting, which is great! Your daddy does not trust in your molars because he still wants you to have everything puree'd still, but you can handle a lot more food than he gives you credit! Despite that, you are a picky eater.

 

 

One day, I put blueberries next to bananas on your plate and you refused to eat them. You held one of the blueberries for an hour, you never ate it, but you were soo gentle holding that little berry! You also refused bananas for a while. Mommy got the last laugh though because I ended up feeding you puree'd bananas and blueberries that night. You gobbled it up! That made mommy laugh - hee hee.

 

 

Although you are gentle with blue berries, you are not always gentle with other things, like your sister or your dog. Mary Margaret is five weeks old now and she demands a lot of attention.

 

I forgot how much attention a newborn needs because it seems to me that you've been with us forever! It has only been one and a half years, but I barely remember life without you, so when M&M came I found that I had to look up milestones because I could not remember what you did or when you did it. Like when you first smiled. I remember when it happened. I can still see it in my minds eye. I was soo excited that I tried to take a picture of it, but that didn't work. But your little grin is forever engraved in my memory (and for the record, you were six weeks old). I can't wait for the day when you and your sister become best friends. Right now, you tolerate her...and mainly because you can't do anything else but tolerate her.

 

 

When she first came home, you weren't really interested. A few weeks later you realized she wasn't leaving, and now you kind of roll your eyes when she starts crying. You'll look at her and cover your ears, and if I am holding her you will try to climb into my lap or arms.

 

When you first started doing this, it tore my heart apart. I felt very guilty for not being able to focus only on you like we did for 17 months before M&M. Daddy and grandma are quick to come and watch you and spend time with you, and there is a huge part of me that is very jealous of that time they get. I want to spend time with you, just me and you. That is hard for me to do with M&M being soo little still, but I have a plan. Grandma is going to watch M&M on Thursdays and you and I will get to spend time together. I am very excited and have a list of fun things I hope we get to do together. Yay!

 

You are also not too gentle with your dog, Lexi, either. Lexi has taken a back seat around here and has definitely become jealous. At first, remember, she didn't really like you much. She likes you better now, especially since she eats any food or snack that you drop on the floor. I have to tell her all the time to leave you alone. Sometimes, you feed her yourself. Once you left your treats on the couch and Lexi was very excited when daddy came home. She began barking to let us know he was here, and she rewarded herself with your treats! She jumped onto the couch and chomp! It was very funny! A lot of times, we give you chicken for dinner and she will sit under your chair just waiting for you to drop or throw a piece of chicken on the floor. Actually, she waits for you to drop anything on the floor! And even though she has warmed up to you, you are not really interested in Lexi. You will move her out of your way, deliberately walk into her, and show no interest in playing with her at all. Now, your cat, Chloe...that is a different story! You love Chloe, only, she doesn't like you. You chase her around and want to touch her all the time. Once in a blue moon she will allow you to touch her, and you are very gentle with her when that happens. You love Chloe! I don't know what the difference is between Chloe and  Lexi, but you definitely favor one and could live without the other! One day, you will all get along :)

 

You don't talk much yet, but you understand a lot of words. You babble all day long and I'm sure you are saying something, I just can't tell what it is. The only real word I understand is "ball" which you actually pronounce "bull" thanks to your daddy who kept saying it with a weird accent for some reason. We got into several arguments over that! He is not allowed to teach you any other words unless he pronounces them correctly! "Bull"...

 

But you do respond to what I say. You will give me a kiss if I ask, and sometimes you just grab my face and kiss me. That is the best! Yesterday, you came home from grandma's house and gave me a big and long hug - you were adorable! I said, "Did you miss mommy?" and you kissed me and hugged me. Aww.... You like to do little flips off of my body and you love getting horsey back rides from me. Daddy won't do them because he thinks you are going to fall, but I can tell you are holding on and balancing great so I am not afraid. You love it! When I put you down from a ride, I sit on the couch and lean back like I am sitting on you. You love that too...very funny! You giggle and laugh and scrunch up your nose. You are the cutest little boy I've ever seen!

 

 

You play very nicely with your toys, and you should since you have two toy rooms! You probably have every toy imaginable. Your favorite: plastic Easter eggs. Yep, you love them and we never leave home without one! I think you like the "puzzle" part of it, putting it together and taking it apart. You also love blocks. You have two different kinds: one with different colored animal paws and numbers on them and one set with classic ABC's. You take the animal paws separately and line them up or stack them up, always with the paws facing up. Very peculiar! You also like your wooden toy train and books. You love books.

 

Right now, you sleep with your "saint" book. When I go to put a blanket on you at night, the book is always open to St. Joseph. Every night, St. Joseph. I love that! You also sleep with an Easter egg.

 

Adorable! Yesterday, I brought out a floor toy for Mary Margaret, your old piano toy. You don't remember it, of course, but I had to pick her up because you were very upset that she was on it and not you. You then stood on it for ten minutes before trying to tear it down. I had to put it away before you broke it and you had a tantrum. You've been having more of them lately, after all you are one and a half! You don't have many trantrums yet though. Usually you have one when I take your sippy cup away when you begin dribbling the juice onto your shirt. You like to do that, I do not like it when you do that. Oh, and you have tantrums at church. The past two Sundays have been one hour of non-stop JB crying! Brutal, really. I don't mind that much because you are only one, but I think you wear daddy out! Both days, when we drove home, you looked exhausted in your car seat. No wonder since you had a full blown melt down! Last weekend, I think you wanted to play and we wouldn't let you so you fought us. The week before daddy was holding M&M and I was holding you. When she began to fuss, we switched babies and you freaked out. Daddy had to take you out of the church! Let's hope those outbursts stop real soon! I can't wait for you to learn about the Mass and eventually become an Altar Server. Or even recognize that it is your patron saint, St. John the Baptist, that said, "Behold. Behold the Lamb of God Who takes away the sins of the world...". I feel that when you realize that St. John the Baptist said that about Jesus, and there Jesus is in front of us, then you will think that is real cool. I think it is!

 

Well, in a few months you will be talking and doing soo much more. I look forward to those days, but I also want to keep you right where you are now. My heart bursts with love for you and I can't imagine loving you any more than I already do, but I know that love multiplies, so I look forward to our future! If you catch me crying when I look at you (like I sometimes do), I want you to know that those are tears of joy and happiness. God has blessed your daddy and I with the greatest gifts of our children. We pray that we become the parents He wants us to be. What an incredible job he gave us! Being your parent is the most wonderful experience ever and I thank God every day for you, my little boy who is my pride and joy. Mommy loves you!