I'll start with a disclaimer:
I am not complaining.
After all we've been through to hold this amazing baby in our arms, the last thing I want to do is complain about anything. He is the best blessing ever bestowed upon my husband and I and we could never ask for a better child than him. Unless it was the same baby...that slept. But trust: I am not complaining!
But I'll be honest: a full nights sleep would be nice. I mean, I wouldn't turn it down or anything! I'd embrace it. I'd probably cry after waking up from such rest! Not that I'm dying of exhaustion over here...I'm not. I'm maintaining alright. My husband...now that is a different story. That is probably where the real story is!
See, DH is now making "remarks." He is saying things like,
"When is he going to sleep all night?"
"How many times did he wake up this time?"
"When are you going to sleep, JB?"
I must admit, although answers to these questions would be nice, I hate them. They are negative. They imply something "bad" about the baby. My sweet, little, precious, incredibly adorable baby. Not only that, these comments make me feel like I am doing something wrong, only I have no idea what to do about it. I've read three books. They all suck. The professional advice sucks, and my instincts suck. And so I ask you, How did you get your baby to sleep all night???
Here is our "routine":
*JB usually wakes up between 6-7AM (depending on when he fell asleep).
*First nap is around 8:30am for 45 minutes.
(To get him to nap; I rock him/walk around, usually hum a song and he has a binky which he will spit out after he falls asleep).
*He stays awake for about 2 1/2 hours to 3 hours then naps again (usually this is late morning).
*Repeat for a late afternoon nap. I might get lucky and he'll nap for 1 1/2 hours.
*Bedtime is around 7:00PM. We start his bedtime routine around 6:30PM which includes a bath (about every other day), dimmed lights, soft music, books or quiet play. We try to be low stimulation.
*I nurse him, then rock him/walk around and hum (no music).
*He usually wakes up around 9:15PM. I'll hold him and give him his binky and he'll usually fall back asleep.
*AND THEN the night really begins. He'll wake up every 2-3 hours all night until he is fully awake and we start all over again. When he wakes up, he nurses and falls back to sleep within minutes. Sometimes, he tries to stay awake, and I'll fight with him for an hour (at 2AM) but will go back to sleep eventually. Those times don't happen very often - Thank God!
Recently, I began bringing him to bed with me. The baby will sleep better with me, but I really don't want to do this. I want him to sleep in his crib, but I recently changed this and brought him to bed when he was waking up every hour or two. I caved and brought him to bed just to keep him from crying and waking everyone up all night long! My poor husband has been sleeping on the couch (this way he is not bothered by all the wake-ups and fussing). Only, he can still hear us and then he has a hard time falling back to sleep.
I hate CIO with everything in my body. I can hardly stand it. The other day, DH tried to take over and do CIO. He blocked me from entering the room and sabotaging it all. I lasted....oh....10 minutes? He didn't have his binky and my husband wouldn't give it to him! He is going to bang his head on his crib! Oh how I hate the CIO experience!
The next morning, as we drank our coffee in the kitchen, I rocked JB and hummed like I always do. He fell asleep holding onto my strap of my cammi, head on my chest listening to my heartbeat. I said, "See how peaceful he is? And you want to do CIO where he screams and bangs his head?"
His answer, "No. I just want him to sleep all night and not need to be rocked."
Agreed.
I recently bought Rescue Remedy, and all natural liquid that is used to calm you down. Only, I'm afraid to give it to JB! I bought it, I have it....I'm just afraid to use it. Ugh and sigh!
So, I'm calling on the experts. I know I'm not the only one that is dealing, or has dealt, with this. What did you do to get your baby to sleep all night???
Well how old is he? I know I talked to my doctor and I forget if it was 4 or 6 months, but whatever weight my kids were at he would say that's it. He doesn't need night feeding anymore. That was comforting to me. I hate the CIO method. However it works and gets easier. The longer you delay, the harder implementing the method gets. If you really can't resist the crying leave him in his bed (with his pacifier and other comfort items) and pat his bottom till he calms down. Then slowly begin to move farther and farther out of the room. Same thing in the middle of the night. Once he gets the idea that he won't be picked up, it will stop. Use his pacifier, get a glow music toy that you can turn on and have patience. Sleep training can take a few weeks/months. Definitely don't do co-sleeping. Trust me, I've heard way to many moms with 3-5 yr olds in their bed! How did it begin? As babies :(
ReplyDeleteThis toy worked for my babies. Only use it at night in their crib so it's "special" Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Soothe and Glow Seahorse. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis is what we do with J- rock him to sleep with his bottle. Put him in his crib asleep and I close the door and do not go back in when he wakes in the night which has been under 10 times since we put him in his crib 3 months ago. If he cries I wait 5 minutes (this was hard at first) and he always settles himself down. I find if I go in it makes it worse & he actually wakes up.However, we will have to break him of being rocked to sleep before the new baby comes. Not ready to cross that road yet.
ReplyDeleteMy sister- a mother of 6- swears by the Ferber method- letting baby CIO 5 minutes- go in pat him & talk to him but don't pick him up and then progressively go in in longer intervals. It did not work for J- he would cry more and I finally let him CIO & it lasted 45 min & he fell fast asleep. It helps to turn off the monitor- or go out for a walk so you don't go crazy.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do! I will keep you in my prayers!
Hannah was doing this from 5-8 months. I did let her CIO. We have been sleeping since...I know it's not for everyone but it got to a point where I was unable to function after 8 months of an interrupted night sleep. My girlfriend is the one that said, your baby does not sleep. How do you function? I asked what I should do and BAM it was done.
ReplyDeleteAt 8 months he sure doesn't need to eat anymore. :) He needs to sleep. hahaha
This next kid will get the CIO method a lot earlier then 8 months... LOL
Good luck! It sounds tough!
ReplyDeleteI've heard "The No Cry Sleep Solution" book is a great one if you don't want to do the CIO method. Haven't read it myself, but I'm looking into it. Our little one is 4 months old and has a similar routine to your 8 month old. Are there ways you can start trying to get him to soothe himself rather than you always having to do it? Maybe start with a naptime?? Good luck..it is so hard!
ReplyDelete"Okay JB - this is your friend Elizabeth. Remember me - we met in IL a few months back? We are only 4 days apart, but me being the older friend I have some advice - LET YOUR MAMA SLEEP! She will be really, really, really happy with you in the morning and will let you do all sorts of fun stuff! I know you think she is happy now, but just wait until she has a full nights sleep - it is awesome! I sleep through the night and my mama loves it, but please oh please, if you do start sleeping through the night in her crib, don't tell my mom how you do it. I am all for sleeping all night, but in the crib - hmm...that is for babies and you know we are NOT babies anymore, we are on the brink of toddler hood and we must unite! God Bless you JB! Sincerely, Elizabeth B"
ReplyDeleteOkay, in all seriousness, I agree with the commenters above that probably doesn't need a night feeding at this age. As long as he is getting enough during the day, he should be fine to go at least 10 hours in between feedings at night - well, at least that is what I have read and it has fared true with Elizabeth, but you know JB. Yes, Elizabeth sleeps 8:30pm - 8am consistently every night...but she is in our bed. For the life of me the girl has a radar detector that no matter what kind of deep sleep she is in, she will wake up within 30 seconds if she is not touching one of us (so yes, you can see how this goes over for naps as well...). For example, when I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of night, I have to pick Elizabeth up (she sleeps on my arm), move her and get out of bed. Surely that would wake her up - no. As long as she is at least touching Greg she is fine. But if I do the same thing and move her to her pack and play, it is like lights on, red flags going off and she starts screaming. I seriously think I need to figure out how to come up with a prothesis of my arm to lay next to her! LOL! All kidding aside, I have tried the crib thing for naps and she literally screamed on and for 40-60 minutes on each occasion. And one time she never fell asleep, I just got tired of listening to her and I figured it wasn't working.
I know people don't agree with the co-sleeping and I NEVER thought I would be in favor of it. But after everything we have gone through over the last few months, I just don't have the energy for sleep training right now and I do value my sleep. And when you have a baby that has been sleeping through the night 10-12 hours a night since 4 months, it is almost like I don't want to mess with a good thing. And Greg doesn't mind her in the bed - because again, we both get sleep!
So, yeah, I wrote a novel and I don't know if I was any help, but that is what works for us. Sleep training will be inevitable for us in the near future, I do not want her sleeping in our bed long term, but for now...this is where we are at. I really do hope things get better with JB and with how your hubby views the situation.
I'm a novice, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
ReplyDeleteDo you think 7 pm is too early for bedtime? What about 8 pm? Then he would be more tired.
I think Luke sleeps better for me if he is mostly full when going to bed. The nights he has been fed 2 hours before bed, he wakes up at 3 am.
Can you increase the amount he eats? Solids?
I hope you find what works for him. It's no fun with no sleep!!!
Dominic was my toughest sleeper and we used the no cry sleep recommendation of a modified cry it out. So u let them cry a few mins at first, then go in and rerock until they're sleepy but not sleeping, put them back down and just keep doing that. Let him cry a little longer between rerockings. Eventually they'll get it. It's a nicer form of CIO IMO. I could never do full CIO either :)
ReplyDeleteTHIS. This is by far the most challenging aspect of parenting little people. Without being too negative, it really is just an issue you will be dealing with in some form or another for many years.
ReplyDeleteI have so been where you are and let me just give you a virtual (((((HUG))))))). It's okay to cry. First, understanding your baby - where he is at and what he needs is a big positive. When I was at my whits end with Rosie, undersanding her perspective helped me be a better parent. Resources to do this, Dr Sears and the Popcaks for starters.
I parented similar to you with Rosie. We did not do CIO. We did best co sleeping. She did not really start sleeping on her own until 18-24 months. Still to this day she comes to our bed a couple nights a week. She is now 5.
By nature of the fact that my b--bs were not used for the next two, night nursing was a non issue. Also, cosleeping was not allowed. We did CIO out of desperation/lack of options. Honestly, they slept much better than she did at that age. Then again, I have a 2 3/4 year old who is up all night and does not settle well (still working to figure him out).
In addition to some of the above suggestions, the only other thing suggest trying to cut out a nap, two naps should be good, it sounds like he just needs to learn to get himself back to sleep and take longer naps. Perhaps timining his sleep cycle and being ready to lay your hand on him when he wakes to help him go into another cycle (we did this and it was helpful with R). Oh, and for us the myth about better naps = better nights was not always the case. You are not alone. hugs and love and offering a prayer.
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